“You don’t want to bash the relationship-but you also want to point out the things that didn’t work.” Not only does this help enlighten what we’re not looking for, but this also helps us “get over” the relationship, as it brings it back down to reality. “Be specific and realistic about the bad parts,” Chlipala shares. But Davis warns us not to get carried away with all the good things, “Don’t dwell-but rather think about it as information you need to move forward.” Stay constructive about the bad stuff. So, instead of perseverating over the time we’ve lost in ended relationships, here’s a better way of thinking about a breakup instead.Ĭonsidering how he influenced your life positively can be a powerful tool in understanding not only what you want in your next relationship-but what you want out of life. As Davis shares, “The truth is, without taking the time to learn from the relationship, it can become a waste of time.” So what should we be dwelling on post breakup, if not what a colossal waste of time that relationship was? Chlipala and relationships expert Laurie Davis, Founder and CEO of eFlirt in New York, suggest that relationships that have ended should be seen as a learning opportunity. “My clients share their fear of wasting their time all the time.” She explains that women are especially prone to put themselves down if the relationship doesn’t work, “They think, ‘How did I not know better? How did I not get out of this relationship sooner?’”Ĭhlipala shares that this perspective isn’t only a twisted way of looking at the issue, as “there’s no opportunity to win with yourself if you look at it this way,” but it clouds the real questions we should be asking ourselves post-breakup. According to Anita Chlipala, MA, M.Ed., LMFT, founder of Relationship Reality 312 in Chicago, feeling as though time has been wasted is one of the most common complaints among female clients.

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